First off: the Lord really does provide, especially if you're looking for opportunities to serve people. More than you can imagine, He delivers on that particular prayer every time.
Second: it took every bit of self control I had to sit in that chair for half an hour, but I went to my first therapy session this afternoon. It made me realize just how much anxiety I live with every day. We did a relaxation exercise, and when it was over everything came rushing back and about knocked me off my seat (cause I was sitting. Get it?)
Also, I don't know whether this guy, Jack, takes me seriously. He seems to be giving me tools to fill up my anti-anxiety utility belt, but that's just it: he's teaching me to live with my disorders, not trying to figure out what's causing them and whether they can be eradicated. I don't want to just deal with it the rest of my life. I want to be healed, I want to get better. I just don't know how to explain to a man with a PhD that he's doing his job all wrong.
But the services through the school are free, and we are uninsured. So.
One of these days, someone will figure out what's wrong with me and will be able to fix it. In the meantime..
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Recorded 5/6/10
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