Today (Memorial Day) was much more difficult than I had anticipated. Perhaps it was due to the lack of sleep, or to the impromptu visit to the cemetery, or maybe it's just that I haven't cried in such a long time. Whatever the reason, I found myself sobbing silently at the top of the staircase by the sound booth during "How Could I Ever Know". I still had to sing the finale, and I knew people would see me, but I couldn't stop crying. All at once I was overwhelmed with the anxiety I've been keeping at bay. I thought of the sweet boy I had to hurt, and of the idiocy of my fears, and of the loneliness that ever slinks along behind me, eager to pounce. My mind was awash with every emotion I'd suppressed since Tech Week, and, unable to process all of this, I cried until I got home and had to wrestle my leftovers into the fridge.
I was shorter than I should have been with Laurel. When we got in her car, she cracked a joke about the tissue box. I came up with a snappy retort, I just didn't have the energy to say it out loud.