I had a really long day today.
I left for school some time around 8:15 AM and I got home not twenty minutes ago (roughly 10:15 PM). So I was a little overwhelmed by the mess in my room. I wanted to pass out, but I would have had to wade through a pile of laundry and some suitcases and books and art supplies and things and I would much rather avoid the stress and chill on the computer until I can't sit up anymore, at which point I will stumble blindly into my room and fall into bed without changing my clothes.
It's not like I haven't cleaned my room in a really long time. Actually, I dejunked it earlier this week. The only reason I can't keep my room clean is my never ending stream of laundry. While I'm cleaning my room I invariably do at least one load of laundry, which never finishes in the dryer until I'm done with everything else. But by then I'm burnt out or otherwise engaged and can't be bothered with it, so it ends up in a pile on my bed, and eventually (invariably) in a pile on the floor.
All this is to say I never ate dinner, and now it's too late to eat anything because I want to go to bed very soon, and I don't believe in sleeping on a full stomach. And it's almost AllCapsO'Clock, the point at which I can only converse IN ALL CAPS because everything I have to say seems very important. Hey- count yourself lucky that THIS WHOLE POST WASN'T CAPITALIZED.
So I'm going to deny a couple of Facebook friend requests in an attempt to quash my needless anxiety, excavate a path to my bed, and fall asleep to Treasure Planet for the second night in a row.
In case you were wondering about the cleanliness of my room and whether I freak out when somebody I don't know or like wants to be my friend on the Facebook.
Case closed.
P.S.
Happy birthday, Munch! I'm glad you've been alive for one whole year. Here's to many more!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Jrunk Food
I am sick of food. Recently I came to the realization that I've spent the majority of every day over the last 22 years obsessing about food. 22 years! How exhausting. I think I became aware of it in LA when time flew by and I seemed to be sitting through a play just so I could go get something to eat when it was over. Yerdhglk.
Today some other frustrations got the better of me. I don't drink, so instead of hitting up a bar and drowning my sorrows in liquor, I resolutely turned my brother's PT Cruiser in the direction of the Wal(STAR)Mart. I decided to buy whatever I was craving, good or bad. I don't starve myself, but I usually try to eat healthy foods. But today, if I wanted to eat an entire bag of Doritos, so be it.
The little blue basket swung merrily from my arm as I stumped through the candy, bread, and cookie aisles (usually carefully avoided territory). I ended up with a box of Little Debbies (Swiss cake rolls), a package of Double Stuff Oreos (my first in MONTHS), a small box of Junior Mints, and at the last minute, a Kit Kat.
The cashier looked at me with a little bit of pity, a little bit of disgust . She asked with a very condescending smirk, "Did you find everything alright?"
I grinned, completely unembarrassed. "Yup!"
And so I set off for home. I put this song on repeat and cranked up the volume. (By the way, if you're wondering what it's like to live with an anxiety disorder, it's like that song.) I sang at the top of my lungs, way past the top of my range, all the while popping Junior Mints. I got home, warmed up some pre-made Pasta-Roni, and plopped down in front of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince with a mug of milk, my chocolate, and a journal to fill with ACTF memories.
At the end of the night I had devoured 7/8 of a box of Junior Mints, one whole Kit Kat, and a double package of Little Debbies. You know what the best thing is? I don't feel guilty about it at all. I don't care. Calories, shmalories. It's my life, it's my body, I usually take really good care of it, and one night of indulgence doesn't spell the end of the world. I needed to just do what I wanted to do for a couple of hours. So I did it. And I think I'm the better for it.
I don't plan on pigging out every time I'm in emotional crisis (and indeed, I usually avoid emotional eating). So.
Music.
Really delicious treaty-treat snack foods.
Great movie.
Alone time (bot not lonely time).
Overall, not such a bad evening.
As a PS-type side note, I decided not to attend Pulse, which is a bit of a breakthrough. Ann, if you read this, I decided the obligation I felt to the School of the Arts was ridiculous. I don't need to see the show, and not seeing it doesn't make me a bad person. I don't have to make myself sit through it if I don't want to. So.
Sooo...
Jrunk food. Heh? Heeeeh?
I'm not funny.
Today some other frustrations got the better of me. I don't drink, so instead of hitting up a bar and drowning my sorrows in liquor, I resolutely turned my brother's PT Cruiser in the direction of the Wal(STAR)Mart. I decided to buy whatever I was craving, good or bad. I don't starve myself, but I usually try to eat healthy foods. But today, if I wanted to eat an entire bag of Doritos, so be it.
The little blue basket swung merrily from my arm as I stumped through the candy, bread, and cookie aisles (usually carefully avoided territory). I ended up with a box of Little Debbies (Swiss cake rolls), a package of Double Stuff Oreos (my first in MONTHS), a small box of Junior Mints, and at the last minute, a Kit Kat.
The cashier looked at me with a little bit of pity, a little bit of disgust . She asked with a very condescending smirk, "Did you find everything alright?"
I grinned, completely unembarrassed. "Yup!"
And so I set off for home. I put this song on repeat and cranked up the volume. (By the way, if you're wondering what it's like to live with an anxiety disorder, it's like that song.) I sang at the top of my lungs, way past the top of my range, all the while popping Junior Mints. I got home, warmed up some pre-made Pasta-Roni, and plopped down in front of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince with a mug of milk, my chocolate, and a journal to fill with ACTF memories.
At the end of the night I had devoured 7/8 of a box of Junior Mints, one whole Kit Kat, and a double package of Little Debbies. You know what the best thing is? I don't feel guilty about it at all. I don't care. Calories, shmalories. It's my life, it's my body, I usually take really good care of it, and one night of indulgence doesn't spell the end of the world. I needed to just do what I wanted to do for a couple of hours. So I did it. And I think I'm the better for it.
I don't plan on pigging out every time I'm in emotional crisis (and indeed, I usually avoid emotional eating). So.
Music.
Really delicious treaty-treat snack foods.
Great movie.
Alone time (bot not lonely time).
Overall, not such a bad evening.
As a PS-type side note, I decided not to attend Pulse, which is a bit of a breakthrough. Ann, if you read this, I decided the obligation I felt to the School of the Arts was ridiculous. I don't need to see the show, and not seeing it doesn't make me a bad person. I don't have to make myself sit through it if I don't want to. So.
Sooo...
Jrunk food. Heh? Heeeeh?
I'm not funny.
~~~
Recorded 2/18/11
Recorded 2/18/11
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