Maybe a Little Apologetic

I shouldn't be so upset. This thing, this very minor thing, shouldn't rattle me the way it has. I should be gracious and forgiving and kind.

This too shall pass.

I'll stop being so hurt. That's what it is, I guess. I'm hurt. I'm hurt because I invested in this one. I'm hurt because I feel (and I know it isn't true) untalented. I'm hurt because I thought maybe this time, this time they'll see past what I look like and they'll see me.

But I did something wrong. I don't know what it was, but it was so wrong that they didn't give me a second glance. And I'm too big, or I'm too weird, or I'm too loud, or I'm just "not what we were looking for".

I'm never what they're looking for.

I'm never what anyone is looking for.

I guess I haven't come as far as I thought.

I guess all of this work, these five years of hard, hard work haven't amounted to anything, if they haven't amounted to getting into a semi-professional community production. It shouldn't be that hard, and I just can't do it.

Whatever.

I don't really feel like eating, but I guess I'm headed up to Idaho for some Thai food.