For Chris Clark

I'm in a show. It's called She Stoops to Conquer. It is directed by Chris Clark, who is kind and patient and a little brilliant sometimes. He was concerned by that one time I said I wasn't in love with my character. So I have compiled this information, Chris, to prove to you (and to myself) how much fun Mrs. Astrid Dorothy Prudence Mildred Ward-Lumpkin Hardcastle is.

Section the First: In Which I Divulge My Inspiration

Have you seen The Swan Princess? D'you know Derek's mom, Uberta? She's confident, a little batty, has invented her own brand of propriety, and is my chief model. Two things that would have made her Mrs. Hardcastle's best friend: she convinced herself that Derek and Odette would be married, despite the obvious dislike they harbored for each other throughout their respective childhoods; and she threw that beauty pageant/ball at which she expected Derek to find himself a new bride.

My dad's favorite Muppet movie is The Great Muppet Caper. I've probably seen it a bajillion times. When I received the side I was to read at the She Stoops call backs, I thought of Dorcas and her special speech patterns. You may recall John Cleese's cameo. Dorcas is Neville's wife. S

he's old-fashined (note the 1920s getup), very proper, and very English. Two things that would have made her Mrs. Hardcastle's best friend: she lives in lONdON, and she is very, very, very, very rich. Her part in the movie is pretty little, but as I have previously mentioned, she has pretty special speech patterns. I've actually based Mrs. Hardcastle's attitude toward language on Dorcas.

There is this blog that I started reading this summer. It's called Seriously, So Blessed! It is written by a fictional woman named TAMN who loves her way awesome life! She's super spirichul, totes adorbs, and just has so much fun all the time with her hubby and her two way cute twinsies. Two things that would have made her Mrs. Hardcastle's best friend: she always knows what's in fashion (and what to tell everyone who doesn't), and sometimes her husband won't let her go on that cruise she really wants to go on. The thing that is most inspirational about TAMN is how very seriously she takes her ridiculous life. I think Mrs. Hardcastle is TAMN in 1773 southern England.

There are also a few real-life muses I won't mention in case they get offended and stop talking to me.

Section the Second: In Which I List the Things I Love About Mrs. Hardcastle

Item: her manner of dress.

Item: the fact that she takes herself so seriously.

Item: the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

TO BE CONTINUED