Out Beyond This Home So Dear

Perhaps my first significant experience in receiving personal revelation occurred when I was a Senior in high school and I was trying to decide where I should go to college and what I should study.  For weeks on end I fasted and prayed.  I asked the Lord to tell me which school I should attend and in which program I should enroll.  When I didn't receive an answer, I became frustrated.  One night, in near desperation, I poured out my soul in fervent prayer.  I told the Lord that I needed an answer, and that I wanted to do what was right.  Suddenly, my cries were quieted by a gentle, yet overwhelming thought: "I trust you to make the right decision."

My life changed that night when I realized the power that I have over my own life.  So long as I am immersed in living the life of the gospel, in consecrating my time, talents, and efforts to the Lord, I have the right and the power to chart my own course, and the Lord will protect me from any major wrong decision.  And when I take the time to include Him, He takes the time to show me the way.

The next remarkable thought came to me shortly thereafter.   I had been called, that summer, to be a primary teacher in my home ward, but I felt like I ought to attend the singles' ward.  Torn, I took to fasting and praying (and having my mom teach my class so I could attend the other ward).  Then, one fast and testimony meeting, as I again poured out my heart in prayer, a veritable tide of testimony bearers swept onto the stand simultaneously.  The Spirit of God burned within me, and I had my records transferred that day. (And to prove that God has a sense of humor, my first week in my Orem ward, the same thing happened.  I thought, "Ha, ha. Okay, I get it.  I'll have my records transferred.")  I felt or heard, "This is where you belong."

Then again, when I wanted to know whether to Book of Mormon was true, a quiet thought replied, "Haven't you had hundreds of witnesses? Haven't you felt its truth taking hold, working in your life?"  And when I wanted to change my major it was, "If you want to tell your mother's story (and you need to tell your mother's story), you need to change your major."

So when I sat in Sacrament meeting several months ago and sent an ardent petition Heavenward concerning my sincere desire to serve a mission, the thought came, "Those experiences are not yours to have."


That thought made me so sad.


But I couldn't let it lie.

I took that prompting to be my answer, and if God didn't want me to serve a full-time mission, I asked Him to point me in the direction of the alternative one I was to serve.  Yet every conference talk I listened to on the subject, every homecoming I attended, and every scripture that mentioned missionary work brought to my mind an irrefutable sense that I belong in the field.  I wrestled with these two disparate answers to the one weighty prayer I've had in my heart for so long; if those experiences were not mine to have, why do I feel the Spirit so strongly when I listen to talks about missionary work?  If my mission is here, how come I want to talk to the bishop about putting my papers in?  Despair, discouragement, and confusion clouded my mind.

My dad told me that I would make a great missionary.  My bishop insisted that I will never regret serving a mission.  My sister expressed the greatest confidence in me.

The prophets have said that I ought to go.



My most recent experience in receiving personal revelation occurred Sunday afternoon when I answered the call to bear my testimony: "Despite my shortcomings, I can be a great instrument in the hands of the Lord in building the Kingdom of God."




I don't know what these next two years will bring.  I don't know why the mission was wrong for me in May, and is so right for me in November.  I'm terrified out of my mind, but I have heard and felt the call to serve, and knowing how much the Lord loves His children, I must answer.  The Lord has provided all things for me in the past, and as I rise to the occasion and give of my time, talents, and efforts, He will protect, guide, provide for, and love me in ways that I can't comprehend.

I used to always hope they'd call me on a mission, and now the time has come for me to receive a white envelope addressed to Sister Aubrey Anne Warner, to report to the MTC, to say goodbye to my family, and to experience the best (and hardest) two years of my life.

Beginnings, Beginnings

I have been involved in theatre for a long time. My "career" started in 6th grade when we were all required to participate in our class's production of The Taming of the Shrew. I really wanted to be Katherine, and I was sure I had the role. Then. My friend Ashely asked me to read for the part of the widow because she didn't want to audition alone. I did, and to my horror I read better for the widow than I had for Katherine. The cast list went up after recess. I. was. the widow. And I was SO mad! I scribbled a note to my teacher that sounded something like this:

"I hate your stupid show and I refuse to participate! ... Unless you let me be Katherine! I really deserve the role of Katherine! I hate acting! I hate Shakespeare! Unless I'm Katherine, I hate Shakespeare! I won't do it! You can't make me! Signed, Anonymous."

Except it was a whole page long and written in sixth-grader, so there were a lot of spelling errors and there were definitely more exclamation points.

Even though I signed the note anonymously, my teacher knew I had written it. Maybe she recognized my handwriting. Maybe the note just sounded like me. Maybe it was the way I wouldn't stop glaring at her or throwing things at Brandi (Kate). However she figured it out, my teacher approached me and tried to calm me down. She finally told me that Brandi would have to kiss Colton, but I would not be deterred. I knew I was perfect for the part. Mrs. Stevens disagreed and I hated her for the rest of the school year.

I took my script home that night and had the whole thing memorized by the time I walked to school the next day. It was about 20 pages long, but I wanted to prove that I could do it better than Brandi. And if she happened to die at lunch in a freak accident involving a swing or the zip line, I would already have all of her lines memorized so her role would default to me. It was fool proof!

I was not a vengeful 11-year-old; I never even thought to try to kill her to move things along. The next few weeks didn't play out quite the way I imagined them. Brandi didn't get sick or break her ankle or get kicked in the head by a horse. She didn't even actually have to kiss Colton, so she couldn't die of the cooties. To my exasperation, the day of the performance came and I had to play the part of the widow. My mom did my hair in a french braid. I wore a black dress and one of my mom's huge, beshoulderpadded coats. We did the show once for the school, then once more for parents and older siblings. I remembered my one line (I still remember it: "He that is giddy thinks the world turns round."), I did the bit with the servants, and I moved a wall and a couple of chairs.

That was it. That was my first experience with theatre. It wasn't a particularly good one, from my point of view. I don't know how that one thing led me to take a drama class in 8th grade, how I managed to overcome my crippling stage fright to audition for Joseph... in 9th grade, and how I ended up as a theatre major at UVU. I don't know how it happened, but it did and I've spent the last six years of my life deeply immersed in this world. I have had so many wonderful experiences. I've had a few bad experiences. I've had a couple of really difficult experiences. But everything that I have experienced is of equal value- I gladly take the good, the bad, and the nast-acular because it all works together to make me a better actress, and more importantly, a stronger person.

I'm a little sad to be leaving it behind.

That's not entirely accurate. I -- oh, by the way. I guess this is the official announcement. I'm changing my major. I will now be studying creative writing -- am very excited to begin again, to start over, to take who I have become and to introduce her to a brand new and well loved aspect of life. I have resolved to take my studies seriously so that I can get in to a good graduate program, and I'm taking this opportunity to do the college thing right. Maybe that will mean taking an intermission, if you will, a short break from theatre friends and from the theatre lifestyle. Maybe I'll figure out a way to make time for some shows (don't worry, I'm not dropping out of The Princess and the Goblin. A girl has got to earn her living. Also, it sounds like fun).

I guess we'll just have to see.

P.S.

I will be minoring in theatre, so if I do take a break it will be quite temporary. I don't want these 5 years of work to just disappear- I want a degree, dangit! But look on the bright side, this way it won't matter that I keep forgetting about Company Call! ;)

WHUT.

I just risked life and limb (or rather my friend's computer) to discover that the book I read for Covenant Communications, Faith Behind the Fences, will be available on CD beginning February 1.

AAAHH!

People are going to be listening to me! TO ME! People that I don't even know will be listening to me read a book!

Miranda says a general authority might listen to it.

AAAHHHH!!

My dad thinks I'm gonna be famous, but I'm not gonna be famous. But there is a sort of fame to it, isn't there? People will be talking about me! They'll be talking about that girl who reads that book I like. I'm gonna be that girl who reads the book! I've never been talked about like that before! By PEOPLE I'VE NEVER MET.

AAH!

Oh, I can't get over it.

:D ...?

In The News

Actually, it isn't news. Not in the traditional sense. But I am pleased as punch to present to you my SECOND published review, as found on the Utah Theater Bloggers Association website:

Welcome Back Potter .

I was surprised to find it posted because I was waiting for Dave to email me with a list of revisions he wanted. I guess it was alright, though, cause there it is!

This whole business is very exciting.

:)

First Review Ever!

I wrote a review, and David liked it, so it's on the internet!

The interwebs!

A review that I wrote! :D

http://www.utahtheaterbloggers.com/3327/mullets-and-mayhem-at-“trailer-park-musical”

A Celabratory P.S.

This was me on graduation day, a little over 4 years ago:

I'm the one on the right.

This is me last month:
I'm the one on the left.

It's about a 60-pound difference, in case you were wondering.

Sometimes life is just good.

Out of the Dark

If you're wondering what I've been doing with my summer, the answer is this:




You should come see it because it's wonderful and it just might change your mind about Shakespeare or about life.

Also, I've been discovering my path, probing my fate, searching for that something that will lead me to the fulfillment of all my dreams. But seriously, I've been growing up.

Apartment hunting. It makes me feel mature. It makes me feel scared. It makes me feel like I can't wait to leave this place, but how could I ever go?

I have to remind myself that moving out does not equal betrayal, and that everyone will be a bit better off with me not in the house.

I have to remember that I can always come back for Sunday dinner, and that I can still take the girls out for movie nights and such.

And I have to think about how much I will grow, and how that will better qualify me to raise my own family when it's my turn.

So.

With the remainder of my summer, I'll be tapping in to my core and illuminating my future.

Hobey ho, let's go...

Thinking 'Bout the Best News Ever!

It's 3:31 on a Saturday morning, and I just dragged myself away from the TV (and a terribly interesting documentary on Agatha Christie [did you know that there's a documentary channel?! Now I know what I'll do with my remaining week of summer vacation]), only to find myself helpless against my computer's inexplicable gravitational pull. I told myself that I was just going to check my Facebook to see whether my babysitting job tomorrow was a for sure thing, and one thing led to another, and I discovered that MySpace Music is hosting a listening party for the ENTIRE Shout It Out album, and I could not be more excited about having to stay up another hour to finish it out.

I love Hanson, guys. And guess what else? They're coming to Salt Lake in September! The last time Hanson came anywhere near Utah was on the Underneath tour two albums ago. And you know what else? The Depot is a private club for members, which means this time around I can get in because I'm 21!

So.. In case anyone forgot to get me a birthday or a Christmas present, tickets are on sale now.

:)

Have I mentioned how awesome life is? Life is awesome.
<3

Briefly

I was cast as the nurse in Romeo and Juliet!

Whoo!

This is my first real part in a Shakespeare show, it's kind of a huge deal to me, and I couldn't be more excited! My therapist will be happy to hear that I have something to work toward. I'm SO HAPPY that I have something to work toward. Someone thinks I'm talented! That means so much to me!

It's a-fixin' to be a good summer.

:)